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NUMBER 30 - MAY 13, 2018

When we left Javier Ortiz, he was on the beach making sand castles and posing like an Abercrombie & Fitch model, no doubt hoping that somewhere there was that special person, who seeing these photographs would not only be attracted to his handsome good looks, but also to his lying, racist, thuggish rap sheet history of attacking and abusing civilians and decide that this was the man of their dreams.

While that was happening, a lot of other people in the community were concerned about the failure of Jorge Colina, Miami's new Police Chief, who had in less than three months had managed to distinguish himself not only for increasing the sale of Brylcreem hair gel - I wonder if he's a stock holder - but also for managing to announce with great fanfare the arrest of two men for murdering 2 teenagers, and wounding 2 others inside the Pork & Beans housing project, only to be forced to hold a second press conference a couple hours later to say, 'Never mind. We fucked up."

The one thing that Colina had refused to do anything about was the recommendation from the City of Miami's Civilian Investigative Panel to punish Ortiz for his latest antics of posting photos on a racist website.

Because The Crespogram works hard to provide you with breaking news, I am proud to be able to announce that I have learned that after a careful review of the facts in this case, the Chief has shown some gumption and melded out the kind of punishment that will make all of Miami's Police Officers take notice that THIS CHIEF is not going to roll over and suck Javier's dick like the last two Chiefs and the last two City Managers, and the last Mayor did.

No sir, Chief Jorge Colina has determined that the appropriate punishment for what Javier Ortiz did was to send him off to motorcycle school.  

With a throbbing police motorcycle between his legs, Ortiz can not only use it to block pesky civilians trying to leave the AAA Arena after a Heat game, he'll actually be able to run them over.


It's this kind of leadership and decision making that folks in all parts of Miami, especially If they're poor, Black or Brown can continue to expect from Jorge Colina, because if Javier Ortiz decides to hurt you, harass you, or just fuck with you, you'll have to deal with whatever he does on your own.

Don't expect any sympathy or assistance or support from Miami's Chief of Police and the department, no matter of who wears the Chief's uniform.  

When it comes to the Civilian Investigative Panel, the police department with malice and forethought decided early on that they would ignore or deflect every single recommendation of punishment that comes from that group, no matter how valid or warranted, because to do otherwise would, in their eyes, undermine the authority of the department and the Internal Affairs Unit.

That's a fact that is known and understood by the city's administration, the police department and even the CIP.

It's all a charade folks, and it will continue to be a charade, unless and until Ortiz does something really horrendously stupid and bad, and then all the cowards who've been giving him cover and protection will start pointing at each other like the rats that they are.

Politics is often a rough and tumble affair that Communist Chinese leader Mao Zedong was credited as describing as, "Politics is war without bloodshed, while war is politics with bloodshed."

That Commie sure had a way with words didn't he.

There should be no secret - although there obviously is in some quarters - that one of Joe Carollo's goals when he became a City Commissioner was to fuck with Ken Russell every chance he got.

And contrary to the opinions of the doe-eyed millennial crowd, Russell has done a lot of things worthy of being fucked with, as I myself have said on more than one occasion. As an example, for those who have forgotten, or don't know why I call him Commissioner "Selfie Boy," here's the reason.

Russell was quick at the end of last week's Commission meeting - although not as quick as if he had actually been as offended as he later claimed - to seize on Carollo's claim that his recent haircut - a haircut so pronounced that a lot of folks in City Hall had noticed and commented on it before Carollo did - was really a racist slur invoking his Japanese heritage.

Russell's Japanese heritage had absolutely nothing to do with anything that Carollo said, and in fact, here's a better analogy that might better help you understand what really happened at the end of the Commission meeting last Thursday.

Let's look at it in movie terms.  There's a modern young guy who 's come to a wild-west kind of town, and that young fellow has been walking around and saying and doing things that have rubbed a lot of people the wrong way.  

One night the young guy walks into the lumberjack bar in town wearing a fancy shirt - it could be Hawaiian, but some would immediately consider that as racist, so let's just say he's a metro sexual kind of guy whose chose not to wear a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans when he went to the bar.

The young guy walks in and all the lumberjacks look him over, and one of them makes a comment about the young guy's clothes.

Now, if you're a movie fan, you know that this is all a set up for what follows.  The young guy either walks over to the loud mouth, punches him in the mouth and knocks him off the bar stool, which stuns the room and the loud mouth, or he's quick witted enough to turn the lumberjack's comment around and gets everyone in the room to laugh at the lumberjack.

In either case, our young guy establishes himself as someone to be reckoned with, and things go back to normal, and nobody fucks with the young guy again.

That's what happens in the movies.

In real life, when Carollo made a comment about his Russell's haircut - and it needs to be emphasized that the haircut had caught the eye and attention of a lot of people inside and out of City Hall - Commissioner "Selfie Boy" neither knocked Carollo out of his seat, or offered a retort that made his fellow Commissioners start laughing at Carollo, instead of laughing at him and his haircut.

Instead, Russell walked off the dais pissed.  He supposedly went in his office and then came back out to confront Carollo, accusing him of making a racist comment, and when Carollo basically brushed him off, went back to his office, sulked for a while, and at some point after that ended up on Twitter AND Facebook, as the Miami New Times reported, posting this cry of victimhood to his followers:

          "Tonight at the City Commission, Commissioner Carollo made a joke

          likening my appearance to Korean dictator Kim Jong-un," Russell

          wrote on Twitter. "I let him know that racist humor is unacceptable.

          People have made Asian jokes around me since I was a kid. Wasn’t

          funny then. Not funny now."

Would Russell not have been less offended if, instead of referencing Kim Jong-un, Carollo had said that his haircut made him look like Mo in the The Stooges?

I'm sure that being taunted as a kid was painful, but Russell is no longer a kid, and some of what he's actually been doing since he's been a City Commissioner hasn't exactly been all that praiseworthy. In fact he himself has been no stranger to playing a real race card with Black folks in the West Grove.

So, let's be clear, nobody likes a whiner, and what Russell did was clearly a whiny, bitch-ass response to a challenge that he should have handled on the spot.

It didn't take long for all of the Carollo haters to jump on board, because if politics is war without bloodshed, then there are a lot of people who fancy themselves as either Generals or snipers in that war.

First came the Miami New Times, followed shortly thereafter by the Miami Herald, and then by Russell's followers on Facebook, and last, but certainly doing his best to get a piece of the action was local loud mouth Grant Stern, who, tearing himself away from bashing Donald Trump, called for Carollo to resign.

The funny thing is that all these Gringos, and many of the remaining Gringos still in Miami haven't a clue that Joe Carollo is playing to, and has a very large and politically active political base of Cuban exiles who still hate the Miami Herald, don't know or care about the Miami New Times, and are bombarded 24/7 by radio talk shows and TV talk shows that focus exclusively on local politics where Carollo is a welcome guest.  


In that world - and this is the only world that Carollo cares about or needs -  if you're going to take him on, you need to do it with more than whining on Facebook and Twitter.

Now, I'm sure that there are those who will say, hey, didn't you get in Carollo's ass a couple weeks ago for attacking a city employee during a Commission meeting?

Yes I did, and I'll do it again in a heart beat.  But there are very big differences between what Carollo did to Jair Espinoza, and what he did to Russell, and in fact I went to City Hall not only to get in Carollo's ass because of what he did, but also to get in the ass of his fellow Commissioners for their failure to call him on what he did, including Russell, who ONLY AFTER I said what I had to say to Carollo tweeted:

          "A rare moment to say that @crespogram is right. Every member

          of the public should be able to address @CityofMiami commission

          without feeling bullied or intimidated or cross examined. Actions of

          one commissioner do not represent the views of the body."

Never underestimate a naked opportunist climbing on a bandwagon after it's halfway down the street, and waving to people like he's been on board from the beginning.

The difference was, and is, that Carollo's use of derogatory information provided to him by unnamed individuals who reason requires us to believe were members of AFSCME Local 1907, was an effort to discredit a citizen's right to address a public body without being bushwhacked with information not having anything to do with the subject being discussed, or with the right of ALL citizens being able to speak openly during a public meeting in what should always be  a "content neutral" environment.

What took place between Carollo and Russell was more of what happens in a boxing ring between fighters. The choice to get into the political ring is voluntary, and like getting into a boxing ring, Rule Number 1 in both rings is: "Protect yourself at all times."  

As an aside, did anybody notice that when I went after Carollo two weeks ago, that even though Joey Flechas could be seen sitting right behind me in camera view scribbling down what I said, that he didn't write a story about THAT incident, and even putting aside my comments, he didn't do a story about the more important issues involving questions of AFSCME Local 1907 playing footsie with the city administration?  

The Miami Herald long ago traded it's obligation to report accurately and in-depth on the antics of local politicians in return for political favors, and now that its become little more than a "Click Bait" internet enterprise, if there's anyone who the Miami Herald REALLY hates for repeatedly calling them out for their failure to report on the City of Miami it's me, and I couldn't be prouder of that honor.

So here's a tip for Commissioner "Selfie Boy," Joe Carollo's got your number, and he's gonna play it every chance he can like he'd play a slot machine.

You got two choices, knock him out at the first opportunity, or take him on in the middle of the street and match him zinger for zinger until he realizes that you aren't the pussy everyone now believes you are.  

It's either that, or go back to playing with your Yo-Yo's and paddle boards, because being a whiner isn't going to get you very far in the world of Miami politics, and in fact it's embarrassing to watch a grown man snivel like a little girl.

And just so we're clear, for all those whiny, snowflake millennials and spineless angle shooters who would ever take any of my comments as racist, sexist, or any other "ist," or that that believe I'm inconsistent for not supporting "Selfie Boy" on this issue, let me say that I will always exercise my right of free speech which definitely includes saying shit nobody likes, and, as I've told a lot of people over the years: You know what they say about people who can't take a joke, don't you?  

Fuck you!

- Joe Raedle

- Joe Raedle




On Friday, I pointed out that Miami Mayor Francis Suarez cared so much for his city that he was running his campaign to become a strong mayor from an office in Coral Gables.  By the end of the day, he had changed the address of his committee to a POB in Miami.